If you are waiting for the perfect moment to finally start living you will wait yourself into an early grave. My words may seem harsh but that doesn’t make them untrue. I do not say them with carelessness or arrogance I say them with love and determination. I am determined to see you start living. Start trying. Start believing.
You are alive. You woke up this morning to a brand new day. You have twenty four hours to do something other than wait. You can learn something. You can help someone. You can create anything and everything you keep dreaming about so earnestly. You are alive to live. To tell your story. To fill the days with questions and answers. Love and laughter. Joy and wholeness. Light and warmth. I don’t want to see anymore blank pages in your book of life because you are waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect words, the perfect life. They do not exist. Perfection does not exist on this earth or in any person. Stop waiting for something that you cannot ever find. Start living and discovering all the imperfectly beautiful treasures that this world has to offer.
You are scared. You are shaking and sweating from your fears and your doubts. Okay. Be scared. Sweat and shake from the fears and doubts but don’t let that be all you ever do. Do it afraid. Take a step in faith and work through the fears and doubts until you conquer each one. And yes, you can be set free from every single fear and doubt keeping you imprisoned. The key has always been there. Some call it courage, some willpower, and others faith. If you need help trust that help is here. Help will come. Help will find you. But you’ve got to start trying. Stop waiting till tomorrow. Stop making lists you just throw in a box and never look at again. Stop with the excuses of all the reasons why it’s impossible. Stop hiding from those dreams and adventures you are passionate about. You literally will never know if you never try.
It won’t matter who else believes in you if you do not believe in yourself. If you do not see your own potential, value, talent, significance.. You need to have faith in yourself in order to try and to live. You need to wake up and believe you have something to offer this world, because you do. You need to believe that you are a valuable, capable, intelligient, and loved human being, because you are. You need to believe that you can learn what you don’t know, because you can. You need to believe that people will offer you a hand and teach you, because they will. You need to believe in the possibility of your life. Of your story that is being written even as you sit there waiting on the sidelines.
Get off that deceptively comfy bench and enter the land of the living. The place that belongs to you as much as it belongs to me or anyone for that matter. This world needs you. People here need you. They need your smile. Your voice. Your hug. Your point of view. Your story. You have the ability to add light into someone’s life. You have the opportunity to add some good and hope into this world. How could you be meaningless? How could you ever not matter?
You go through each day as if you have forever to figure it out. Forever to change what needs to be changed. Forever to make things right. Forever to deal with the wounds. Forever to take off the mask. Forever to forigve. Forever to live. You will die. You will die one day. And I hope and pray that in that last breath you can leave knowing I lived. I gave. I tried. I loved. I believed. I lived…
Baby steps my dear. Tiny little movements of progress…
Why don’t you take one today and start living, trying, and believing in your book of life?
What are you still waiting for?
Today might not be the perfect day, but nonetheless it is still a day that you have…
- ~~Acoustic Imagery~~ (via bealightinthedark)
I can very much relate to your struggle.
Honestly, I think it’s something that a lot of people have a difficult time with. So know that you aren’t alone in that.
Some people may not be reserved upon first meeting new people, but I think that it takes everyone a while before they genuinely feel like they can be themselves with a person.
That said, I totally understand how in many cases, people can misconstrue our initial reserved attitude to mean that we’re cold and uncaring and even boring. But the truth is that when people make those judgements, it isn’t about you and isn’t any sort of reflection on your worth. It’s about them and their own misconceptions and limitations, and you don’t have to internalize that.
Anyone who thinks being reserved and quite is synonymous with weird and boring is not worth your time or friendship anyway. The right people are going to recognize that some people are shy and that their shyness doesn’t take away from how interesting and awesome they are. The right people recognize that some people open up more quickly than others, and that the ones who take longer are still worth waiting around for. These are the people you need to hold onto. Let go of the rest.
I understand that you want to be likable and accepted. We all want that. But you don’t ever have to put pressure on yourself to be a certain way in order to win people’s affections. It isn’t your job to be interesting and outgoing. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you sure as hell don’t have to spend your energy trying to convince people that you’re worth keeping around.
Like I said before, the right people are going to recognize your worth. You don’t have to make time for people who don’t.
The reality is that there are always going to be people who don’t think we’re worthwhile. No matter who we become, how we act, how confident we present ourselves to be, or how many interesting things we have to say, there is always going to be someone who doesn’t approve. And that’s okay. That’s life.
You can beat yourself up all day long for not being good enough for certain people, but it won’t change the situation or make the struggle any easier. All it does is make you feel worse and keep you stuck.
I know it isn’t easy, but try to be compassionate with yourself. There is nothing wrong with being shy and reserved. And if people don’t want to be your friend because of it, that’s on them.
But don’t let those people let you forget the people who won’t be turned away by your shyness. Whether they’re people who are shy themselves or people who recognize that most of the time, it’s the quiet people have a lot of really important things to say, there are people out there who want to get to know you and gain your friendship. They may be difficult to find, but they’re out there.
I also think it’s important to think about whether there is something in particular keeping you from being more vocal around people. Again, there isn’t anything wrong with being shy. For me personally though, there were a lot of underlying insecurities that caused me to silence my voice and my opinions around new people. I wanted so desperately to be liked and to be “cool” and if I met people who felt superior to me, I would be intimated and close myself off because I felt like nothing I had to say was worthy of their time.
These people weren’t any better me. I just decided that I was inferior because I hated myself. I don’t know if this is the case for you, and it doesn’t sound like it is, but I just thought I would throw it out there anyway. Because if there is an underlying insecurity, maybe you could send me another message and we could try to work together on countering that negative belief.
I want to leave you with this quote I found that I think might help. It’s by a girl named Julia Bluhm who writes for SPARK.
“To all my fellow shy people out there, don’t worry. Don’t worry that you’ll never make a friend, or fall in love, or have your voice be heard. You will. It just might take a little patience. I know I’m never going to be a super outgoing person, so I’m just trying to accept my shyness with open arms. I can’t change who I am.
Sure, I still wish I could be as funny as my friend Izzy when we’re presenting a talk, or as confident and willing to argue as some of my SPARK sisters… But I also know that I have things to offer that nobody else has. You do, too. It might just take a little while to find them.”
Remember that. Yes, you may not have the same strengths that outgoing people have, but you have a unique set of your own that confident, talkative people don’t have. And it those strengths that make you important and interesting and valuable.
So when you start feeling down about being shy, remind yourself of those strengths. Remind yourself that the right people aren’t going to think negatively of you for being reserved. Remind yourself that YOU wouldn’t think any less of people for being quiet. Remind yourself that you deserve that same compassion and kindness. And most of all, remind yourself that you’re enough, and that you don’t need to change for anybody.
Sending a lot of love your way,
I find it to be scary as hell to be in a situation where my physical space is being imposed upon and my body language or boundaries are being ignored. I’ve never felt this to be anything other than another person acting on their own sense of entitlement and assuming that I will be too ‘polite’ or ‘friendly’ to tell them to back the fuck up off of me. And for most of my life, that’s been true. I’m not supposed to be argumentative, demanding, aggressive, or to feel entitled to my own space and time. God forbid anybody should think I’m a shrill bitch who can’t get along with others, ya know?
But the thing is, demanding that your space be respected, that your person be respected, is not argumentative, demanding, or aggressive. It doesn’t make me or you a shrill bitch or an asshole or any other negative thing. It just means you’re a person who exists in this world and has a right to manage your own space and nobody has a right to impose themselves on you.
I would rather everybody in the world think I’m a shrill bitch who can’t get along with others than spend one more second of my time with somebody I don’t know feeling so entitled to my time, space, body, or smile that they think it’s okay to yell in my face, to touch me, to follow me around a bar or concert, or to occupy any of my mental or physical space.
- Sara Luckey
- Daniell Koepke
About The Movement:
My name is Daniell, and I am the creator of the Internal Acceptance Movement (I. A.M.)
Need support? Have a question?
The Internal Acceptance Movement is an online space that advocates self-acceptance, healthy body image, recovery from self-destructive behaviors and addictions, and the acceptance of all people, regardless of what they look like, who they identify as, what they have been through, and where they come from. I. A.M. is a space that offers support to those battling their inner demons and strength to continue fighting when all hope seems to be gone.
I. A.M. represents the idea that as human beings, we aren't defined by anything external, such as our weight, appearance, body shape, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, clothing choices, income, occupation, or background. But that instead, it's our internal qualities--our character and attitude, our passions and dreams, our soul and spirit, our heart and capacity to love, our goals and morals, and the way in which we treat others--that are truly self defining.
Whether you're battling an eating disorder, self-harm, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, anxiety, self-hating thoughts, poor body image, or any other mental health condition or self-destructive behavior, I. A.M. exists to remind you that you are NOT alone in how you feel or what you're going through; that it's okay to not be okay, and that you don't have to face this pain alone; that things can and will get better; that healing and recovery are possible; that there is nothing wrong with who you are; the who you are is enough; and that you are deserving of happiness, love, and acceptance, always.
I'm here if you need me: whether it's support, someone to vent to, a question, or you just want to say hi--know that this is a safe place and that you aren't alone. If I don't respond immediately, know that I'm not ignoring you. I will message you back at my earliest convenience. If you have an emergency or feel that you want to hurt yourself, please, please call 911. I'm not a therapist or a mental health professional of any kind. If you're in danger, you need to ask for help from people who can adequately support you. Sending you love: Daniell