Internal Acceptance Movement

Please don’t apologize for reaching out and writing to me.

You are more than welcome here, always.

I’m so sorry that you are struggling and in so much pain :[

I’ve been in treatment with several people who have family situations similar to your own. Things didn’t get better until they detached from their family and got distance and time apart. 

I think what you need to do, in addition to family therapy, is be able to set boundaries and limits with your family. 

I don’t know how old you are or if you are financially dependent on them, so I’m not sure which boundaries would be appropriate to set. But maybe you can set a boundary similar to this:

“If you aren’t going to be supportive of my recovery and your actions continue to hinder my growth, then I’m going to have to cut off contact with you. I love you but the way you are treating me is causing me pain and keeping me sick. Until you can find a way to be a part of my healing process, I’m going to have to love you from a distance.”

Have you thought about living with different relatives or, depending on your age, moving out and getting an apartment? 

There are definitely options. I know you feel stuck and lost and hopeless but please don’t give up hope. 

And remind yourself that one slip does not discount all the progress you have made along your journey. 

You move on after a binge by immediately getting back on your meal plan. If you restrict in order to compensate for binging you will only be setting yourself up for another binge. The way to break the cycle is to nourish your body and follow your meal plan.

Also, try and journal about what happened. You didn’t binge for no reason. What triggered the urge? Did someone say something? Was there a particular situation that left you feeling invisible or lonely? Did you see something triggering on tv? Journal about it so you can figure out what happened, and try to prevent it from happening in the future. 

Slipping is a part of the recovery process. Instead of beating yourself up and seeing what happened as a sign of failure, choose to see it as an opportunity for growth. Learn from what happened. Go back and ask yourself what would have helped you in the moment? What were you really hungry for?

I know that when I want to binge, it isn’t so much because I’m hungry for food. Usually it’s because I’m hungry for love, connection, affection, and relationships. What is it that you are really hungry for?

Sending you so much love,

Thank you so much for writing me,

Daniell

There is nothing wrong with pumpkin pie. 

I think it’s incredible that you allowed yourself to eat something that actually TASTES good. 

When we restrict and deny ourselves food that we like, we set ourselves up to feel deprived. And deprivation sets us up, more often than not, for a binge. Which leads to feelings of shame and guilt, which in turn makes us want to restrict in order to compensate for binging.

It’s a vicious cycle and the only way out is to nourish your body and eat foods that taste good.

Eating pumpkin pie for one night is not enough to make you gain weight and is most definitely not a reason to restrict the following day.

Food is food. Don’t give it more power than it actually has.

You deserve to eat things that are satisfying and yummy.

You can stick to your meal plan tomorrow because you don’t have any reason not to. Eating pumpkin pie today was perfectly acceptable AND normal.

One of the goals in recovery is to become a normal eater. By eating pumpkin pie today, you became one step closer to that goal. You are one step closer to freedom.

This was a step forward. It’s amazing and something you should be really proud of yourself for.

Choose to make this Thanksgiving different. Take opposite action.

Follow your meal plan tomorrow. 

Do it for recovery.

Do it for you.