“I actually attack the concept of happiness. I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”
—Hugh Mackay
March 2012
“Almost every successful person begins with two beliefs: the future can be better than the present, and I have the power to make it so.”
—David Brooks
I am currently struggling with severe bulimia and I am inspired by your blog and how motivating you are. Any words of wisdom to others struggling with eating disorders? How do you control your symptoms on a daily basis? What kind of support do you have? keep up the great work, btw. you are awesome!!!
Thank you!
For this message and your kind words :)
I’m so glad that I AM is able to inspire and motivate you.
First of all, I want to make it clear that I’m not recovered and definitely not even past the point of struggling on a daily basis.
I have good days and bad days, some where I’m motivated, others where I feel hopeless. Days where I’m actively engaging in recovery, and days when I choose the eating disorder. Days when I’m confident and believe in myself, and days when I’m consumed by my depression and low self-worth.
Fighting my eating disorder has been a five year long journey, and I still have a long way to go. I have however, learned a lot, and grown in ways I never would have without this struggle. Recovery is the hardest thing I have done and will ever do. But no matter how many times I slip, relapse, or make a mistake, I never give up, and always keep trekking forward.
I have the support of a therapist and dietitian who I see once a week, and I see a psychiatrist every few months as needed. I also attend a free weekly support group every saturday for people with eating disorders. Aside from that, I have the support of my parents and brother, and a few friends from treatment—all of whom I am incredibly grateful for.
Here are some helpful suggestions I have for fellow recovery warriors:
1. Slips and relapses are a natural part of recovery.
Having them doesn’t make you failure. It makes you human. You’re imperfect and you’re going to make mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up for having a slip, try being compassionate with yourself and curious. We don’t engage in behaviors just because we feel like it—there is always a reason behind it. Whether we felt lonely, angry, didn’t speak up about something that was bothering us, or didn’t know of any other way to quell our anxiety, there is a reason and our slips can shed light on that AND on how to prevent the slip from happening in the future.
2. In order to heal, we have to be honest with ourselves and our treatment team. Sometimes when I’m struggling I get scared that they will judge me or be disappointed. But the truth is that it’s their job to help us through the hard times. And ultimately, they can’t help us if we aren’t honest.
Eating disorder are very much about keeping secrets. When we find the courage to break the silence and speak up about our struggles, our eating disorder loses power.
3. I highly recommend doing Eating disorder vs. healthy self dialogues.
When your eating disorder voice gets loud and abusive, the best thing to do is fight back and argue with it. It’s okay if you don’t believe what your healthy-self has to say. And using a healthy voice for yourself is too difficult, you can think about what you would say to a friend or what your therapist would say for you. What’s important is that you don’t let the eating disorder thoughts have the last word. Just by dialoguing, you are fighting back and entertaining the idea that your eating disorder is wrong.
They are really helpful for me in the moment when I have urges and can help me to work through a lot of my fears and anxieties. You can write them by hand on paper or on your computer. Whatever is easiest and most comfortable for you.
4. Get rid of your scale and stop weighing yourself.
The number will never be low enough. We will always be dissatisfied and feel inadequate. Knowing the number may make us feel safe, but it doesn’t really make us feel any better about ourselves. It consumed us, occupies our every thought, and keeps us stuck.
I’ve found incredible freedom in not knowing what the number is. My dietitian weighs me once a week, and will let me know if my weight changes. So instead of dealing with anxiety attached with weight fluctuation on my own where my eating disorder voice can interject, I get to talk about it in a safe, recovery-conducive environment where a professional can help me fight the distortions and offer me support.
5. Start doing a daily gratitude list.
Every night before I go to bed, I make a list of at least three things I am grateful for, but you can always write more :) They can be anything. When we are feeling hopeless, defeated, and miserable, we often forget the good things that exist in our lives. Making a gratitude list can help to remind us.
6. Write out a list of reasons to recover and things your eating disorder has robbed you of, and look at it when you’re struggling or having urges.
7. Make a 911 phone list of people you can text or call in the moment when you’re having an urge.
8. Make a list of coping skills that you can use in the moment when you’re struggling to use in place of eating disorder behaviors. It’s important to remember that engaging in your behaviors may make you feel better in the moment, but in the long run it will make you feel so much worse. Binging and purging or restricting may numb us from the pain we feel, but it won’t solve the problems causing us pain.
Also, remind yourself in the moment that urges are like waves, they come in strong, peak, and then fade. It may feel like they are going to last forever—but they don’t. They DO PASS. Experiment with different coping mechanisms until you find one that helps you ride the wave of the urge.
9. Do something you’re passionate about—and do it everyday.
Instead of finding fulfillment in your weight or appearance, start finding it in things that you enjoy doing. Whether it’s sketching, blogging, making collages, photography, writing, performing, music…try to find something that makes you happy and empowered.
If you don’t know what you’re passionate about—start exploring and trying out new things. Finding your passion isn’t about doing something you’re good at or doing something perfectly, it’s about doing something you enjoy, something that soothes your soul. It’s about discovering that there is so much more to life than your eating disorder.
10. FOLLOW A MEAL PLAN.
We do not have an accurate perception of hunger and fullness. Our eating disorder severs the connection and communication between our mind and our body.
Following a meal plan helps retrain your body how to eat, and heals your metabolism. Eating disorder run on a vicious cycle: for me, restricting leads to binging, which leads to purging which leads to feelings of shame and guilt which leads to restricting and the cycle starts all over again. The only way to break the cycle is to nourish our body adequately by following a meal plan.
Everyone’s meal plan looks different because everyone’s body is different, which is why it’s important to meet with a dietitian so that you can create a meal plan that is right for you.
I hope these suggestions help.
If you have any more questions or ever need support/someone to talk to, just message me. I’m here to help in whatever way I can.
Sending you so much love and strength,
Daniell
February 2012
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, you must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.”
—Mary Manin Morrissey
What you're doing is so amazing! You've inspired me so much. Thank you and keep up the great work.
Thank you so much for this message.
I’m so glad that this blog has been able to inspire you.
Keep on keeping on.
Sending you love,
Daniell
“So I’m going out there. And I’m going to do the best I can. People are going to get in my way. Things are going to bring me down. But I’m going to keep going. I’m going to reach as far as I can, for every thing I’ve ever wanted. And I’m not giving up. Because that’s what you do when your dreams are more important than your fears. You go out there and ignore the odds. You focus on one thing- that your dreams can come true.”
—K. Boulden
“Why has the term SlutWalk become popular when Take Back The Night wasn’t? Is it because the media liked the idea of scantily clad females talking about how much they liked sex? I mean, if that’s feminism then Hugh Hefner is the ultimate feminist. He loves women to undress and perform sex acts on him. So do all those guys at strip clubs. So they’ve been the feminists all along? Women just needed to catch up? SlutWalk started off as a noble event in reaction to a comment by a Toronto police officer. It’s become a media event because it promotes the very same “show a bit of skin and talk saucy” that lads magazines and strip clubs promote and expect from women. The media promotes “feminism” when it titillates, not when it castigates.”
—Unknown (via feminishblog)
“I had to keep at the forefront of my mind the reasons I wanted to recover so badly, and the biggest one was this: I couldn’t believe in what I was doing anymore. I couldn’t justify committing my life to self-destruction, to appearance, to size, to weight, to food, to obsession, to self-harm. And that was what I had been doing for so long—dedicating all my strength, passion, energy, and intelligence to the pursuit of a warped and vanishing ideal. I just couldn’t believe in it anymore. As scared as I was to recover, to recover fully, to let go of every last symptom, to rid myself of the familiar and comforting compulsions, I wanted to know who I was without the demon of my eating disorder inhabiting my body and mind.”
—Marya Hornbacher
This blog is lovely. It's so inspiring and hopeful. Thank you!
Thank YOU.
You are lovely and your message filled me with a lot of much needed love.
I’m so grateful.
Sending you love,
Daniell
You're absolutely wonderful.
Thank you so much for this.
So, so much.
I’m absolutely grateful for your kindness and support.
Love, love, love
Daniell
:)
Hi Daniell, your blog is really incredible amazing and I cant look at your blog without smiling :) You are so beautiful and you seems strong and wonderful. Keep the good work up because you make the world a better place. Much love <3
Hi!
Thank you so much for your message. I’ve been battling a low sense of self-worth for the past few days, and reading what you wrote reminded me that the only person who is judging me is myself. So thank you for that :)
I’m so glad that you enjoy I AM and am really grateful for your support :)
Hope you’re having a lovely Saturday!
Sending you lots of love,
Daniell
