When we feel urges to use destructive behaviors, we feel like we don’t have any choice other than to give in because fighting the urges seems impossible, and thus pointless.

But there are lots of coping skills and self-care activities we can do to help the urges pass and aid us in coping with uncomfortable emotions and situations. 

1. Journal

Get out how you are feeling. Write the thoughts circling in your head. Your words don’t have to be coherent, and they don’t even have to be sentences. The purpose of journaling is simply to shift the chaos in your head to a piece of paper, where you can look back on it when you are in a better place and understand what caused you to feel the way you do. It’s doesn’t matter if you write well. All that matters is that you write. 

2. Listen to your favorite music.

3. Watch a movie/tv

4. Light a candle and meditate.

5. Make a collage from old magazines and photographs.

6. Scream into a pillow.

7. Rip paper

8. Throw ice

9. Call a friend to distract yourself or vent.

Make a 911 List of phone numbers that you can refer to when you need support or have an urge to use any kind of unhealthy behavior. Make a deal with yourself that you have to call every single person on the list before engaging in the behavior.

Even if the person doesn’t answer, you have to leave them a message and tell them what you have an urge to do. This way, you are accountable. Chances are that at least one person will answer and offer you the support you need to fight your urge.

You can also vent to the person in the message you leave. Just saying out loud how we feel, even if someone isn’t on the receiving end, can be extremely helpful. 

10. Take a nap

11. Color in a coloring book

12. Make and read affirmation cards

You can go to Michaels or any craft store and buy a small wooden box. Paint and decorate it anyway you like! Once it dries, you can use it as a blessing box. 

Write down inspiring quotes, positive phrases, and affirmations on notecards or small pieces of paper. You can even decorate your affirmation cards!  Fill your blessing box with affirmations and read one before each meal (for eating disorder support), when you wake up each morning, and at night before you go to bed. 

Replace your disordered rituals with a healthy, recovery-oriented one :)

13. Watch a funny video on youtube

14. Play with your pet.

If you don’t own an animal, you can go to an animal shelter and give lots of animals some love!

15. Take a bubble bath

16. Paint your nails

17. Get out of your house!

Or just get out of the environment giving you urges. Go to a public place—somewhere you won’t be able to use your behavior. 

Book stores and coffee shops are great places to visit to get out of your head space. You can take a journal and write or a book to read. But just getting out of your environment can help stop the urge. 

18. Sketch or draw

19. Write a letter to someone you love and care about.

20. Do an internal dialogue

For eating disorders, I typically call it an ED vs healthy self dialogue. But you can the dialogue for any kind of addiction or problem.

Here is an example:

ED: You aren’t allowed to eat dinner. You are disgusting and fat.

HS: Well we both know YOU think I’m disgusting and fat, but I know that the people I love don’t see me that way. I have a distorted perception of myself and cannot trust what you think.

ED: Well if you eat dinner you are going to gain weight.

HS: Actually, my dietician told me that eating one meal will not make me gain weight. People without eating disorder eat meals every day and they don’t gain weight. I want to be normal. I want to get rid of you.

Try and dialogue with the destructive voice until it no longer has a response or come back. Even if your eating disorder, or other internal demon wins the dialogue, know that you are taking a step forward and fighting back simply by arguing with it. 

21. Knit or crochet.

22. Face paint!

It’s one of my top coping mechanisms. Keep in mind that you don’t have to create a masterpiece. It’s about being creative and letting out some of the energy that is causing you to have an urge. 

It can be anything! 

Here is an example of one of my face paints—I get really into it :)

23. Play an instrument you love

24. Be with someone!

Destructive behaviors (especially eating disordered ones) thrive off of getting us to be alone. Call up a friend or reach out to a family member. Ask if they can be with you. Sometimes just not being alone can be enough to pull us out of a dark place. 

25. Write a Relapse Prevention letter to yourself.

Make it out to yourself. If it helps, think of this as writing a letter to a friend or someone you love.

The purpose of the letter is to have something to look back at that is in YOUR writing, asserting all the reasons why it won’t benefit you to use the unhealthy behaviors, and why you deserve recovery.

Here is an example of one:

Dear Daniell,

I know that you must be feeling really upset, lonely, unloved, and depressed in this moment. Know that turning to your eating disorder or self-harm will not solve the problem. It may make these uncomfortable feelings temporarily go away, but it will never get rid of them permanently. 

This is just a way to start your letter. Since everyone is different, your letter needs to be unique and something that will be helpful to you.

26. Do a reality check with yourself.

Ask yourself and answer the following questions:

-What is going on?

-How do I feel? (List at least 3 feelings)

-Will doing this behavior help? (restricting, binging and purging, taking a drink, abusing drugs, cutting, etc.)

-In the short term, will doing the behavior make me feel better?

-Will it solve my problem in the long run?

-Is there something else, that is healthy and recovery-oriented, that I can do instead?

After answering all of these questions, see if you still feel like using your behavior. 

***These are just a few out of so many coping mechanisms you can use to self-sooth. 

Don’t give up.

And know you that you are NOT alone.

-Daniell