— My dad. I’m 24, and asked if you ever shake the feeling of not being an adult, and this was his response. Probably the most comforting thing he could have said. (via splitterherzen)
Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little.
And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward."
What do I earn from playing nice?
I’ll choke on the cries I leave in my throat.
I am not sorry.
If I am angry, I will be angry.
I will be blinding light
I will be rage and shaky hands
I will be venom and teary eyes
I will not laugh at your jokes
I will not tuck my fangs away to smile for you.
I will look you dead in the eye
I will spit out teeth that are not mine."
Hold your mountains close and
your valleys closer, they say.
You don’t know how lucky you are, they say.
But not knowing is okay here.
Waiting is okay here, even if
all the clocks have stopped their ticking
and the mountains are turning to silt
that spins in the sky above the villages
before it sinks to the ocean bed
where the monsters lurk.
Sometimes, the church pew will
turn its back to you.
It is not your fault. Inside your mouth
is all the spirit you will ever need.
Inside your knees is all the forward
you are still waiting for.
One day, you will be sitting behind a desk
that still doesn’t feel like yours.
One day, your bones will break and
you will not feel a thing and the tears won’t come.
So cry while you can. Into your pillow,
into the soil, into the crook of your elbow.
The walls may be closing in but they are not falling.
You are getting older and older but
you have never been younger than this.
You are getting weaker and weaker
but you have never been stronger than this.
Crying is okay here. Tripping is okay here.
You, with your smeared lips and hours to go
before morning and no where to turn to
but back again, you are okay here.
Even if you aren’t."
It’s what the rocks do
one with the sea.
It’s what the clouds
do when they can
no longer be silent.
You are no longer
leaving yourself behind
because you thought
no one else wanted you,
you are leaving them behind
and taking everything
they couldn’t hold onto.
So let go.
There’s no shame
— Pavana पवन (via maza-dohta)