How do you get over someone that you were never really dating, but were talking to for a couple months really liked the person put so much into effort making a realtionship, but end up getting nothing out of it.

Whether or not you were actually dating this person is irrelevant when it comes to healing from unreciprocated feelings. If you care for someone in a romantic way and they don’t feel the same about you, it hurts—regardless of whether you’re friends, partners, or acquaintances.

I think it’s important to remember that attraction is a complex thing. Everyone has different needs and wants regarding what they’re looking for in a significant other. Everyone finds different physical features and personality traits attractive. There is no such thing as good or bad or better or worse when it comes to what a person has to offer in a relationship. It all comes down to what each individual is looking for. And the truth is that everyone is looking for and needing something different. 

I want you to know that the fact that this person didn’t reciprocate your feelings doesn’t make you inadequate or unloveable. It just means that it wasn’t the right fit. Just because things didn’t work with them doesn’t mean they won’t work out in the future with someone else.

I would also like to challenge the idea that you “got nothing out of it”. Every interpersonal relationship, whether it positively or negatively affects you, provides you with an opportunity to learn more about yourself and grow as a person. You may not have gotten a relationship out of this experience, but you what you have gotten is proof that you can be hurt and rejected and feel all these awful feelings and still survive. 

Healing from this kind of hurt takes time and patience. It takes treating yourself with compassion and kindness. And it takes feeling your feelings, regardless of how uncomfortable and painful they are. 

Know that this hurt will pass, and that you aren’t alone in what you’re going through. There is nothing wrong with who you are or what you have to offer. You will find someone who reciprocates your feelings. Be patient.

Sending you a ton of love,

Daniell

24 May 12 Anonymous

Notes

  1. plutonis said: You’re such an awesome person, sending encouragement and hope to others. This is something that I really needed to read, too, so thank you.
  2. internal-acceptance-movement posted this

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About The Movement:

My name is Daniell, and I am the creator of the Internal Acceptance Movement (I. A.M.)

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    The Internal Acceptance Movement is an online space that advocates self-acceptance, healthy body image, recovery from self-destructive behaviors and addictions, and the acceptance of all people, regardless of what they look like, who they identify as, what they have been through, and where they come from. I. A.M. is a space that offers support to those battling their inner demons and strength to continue fighting when all hope seems to be gone.

    I. A.M. represents the idea that as human beings, we aren't defined by anything external, such as our weight, appearance, body shape, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, clothing choices, income, occupation, or background. But that instead, it's our internal qualities--our character and attitude, our passions and dreams, our soul and spirit, our heart and capacity to love, our goals and morals, and the way in which we treat others--that are truly self defining.

    Whether you're battling an eating disorder, self-harm, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, anxiety, self-hating thoughts, poor body image, or any other mental health condition or self-destructive behavior, I. A.M. exists to remind you that you are NOT alone in how you feel or what you're going through; that it's okay to not be okay, and that you don't have to face this pain alone; that things can and will get better; that healing and recovery are possible; that there is nothing wrong with who you are; the who you are is enough; and that you are deserving of happiness, love, and acceptance, always.


    I'm here if you need me: whether it's support, someone to vent to, a question, or you just want to say hi--know that this is a safe place and that you aren't alone. If I don't respond immediately, know that I'm not ignoring you. I will message you back at my earliest convenience. If you have an emergency or feel that you want to hurt yourself, please, please call 911. I'm not a therapist or a mental health professional of any kind. If you're in danger, you need to ask for help from people who can adequately support you. Sending you love: Daniell
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