(part 2) saving it for marriage, but for some reason I just feel so worthless. My boyfriend knows that the first time we had sex, I had trouble concentrating (I would kind of drift off, not focus on the intimacy and go into another world). Now, my mind doesn’t disassociate like this any more, but I still can’t escape feelings of worthlessness. Also, my boyfriend knows about my past, but I don’t want to bring up how I feel. I don’t want to make him feel like he took advantage of me- I love him
It breaks my heart knowing that you’ve had to go through that as I child :[ Know one deserves to be abused in that way, ever.
I cannot even imagine the pain you must be holding inside, and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that your feelings of worthlessness and dissociation during sex are a result of being molested when you were younger.
The fact that you have an awareness about what is going on and that you were able to connect it with your past is huge. Awareness is the first step to healing. The next steps are breaking the silence surrounding what happened and seeking professional help.
Unfortunately, I’m not a therapist and therefore don’t have the tools to be able to help someone who has been through the trauma you’ve experienced. But as someone who has however been in treatment with several women who have faced molestation, rape, and sexual abuse, I can tell you with absolutely certainty that the only way they were able to free themselves from the feelings of worthlessness and heal from the pain was by seeking help, talking about it, and working through the thoughts.
Know that the feeling of worthlessness is a belief taught to you by the person who molested you. It’s a false belief that you have internalized and taken on as your own. Just as you were taught by this person that you are worthless, you can reteach yourself healthy, healing-conducive thoughts. Just as you’ve learned to see yourself as being inadequate and without value, you can learn to unconditionally love and accept yourself.
Healing from the trauma you’ve experienced and retraining your brain is by no means easy, but if you reach out, stay determined, and don’t give up, it is possible.
Given that communication is such an integral part of a relationship, I definitely think that you should be honest with your boyfriend about how you’re feeling. He probably can tell that something is up and that you’re hurting, but doesn’t know why and doesn’t want to bring something up that could be painful.
I think that you can let him know how you’re feeling without him internalizing it by telling your boy friend exactly what you told me and how your trauma is the cause of the way you feel—not the sex you had and not your boyfriend.
In order to heal, you’re going to need the support of your loved ones. Don’t shut out your boyfriend or keep him in the dark. He loves you and cares for you, despite your past. Trust that you won’t push him away. Trust that he is willing to do whatever it takes to support you.
Staying silent about your feelings is never the answer. Talking about what’s going on and bringing our problems into the light is how we heal.
Know that you aren’t alone in how you feel or what you’re going through, and you definitely don’t have to face this pain alone.
Remind yourself that despite everything you’ve been through, you have survived. Yes you are wounded, but you aren’t broken.
You can and will heal. You are so much stronger than you know.
Don’t give up.
Sending you so much love and strength,
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- ignitestrengths said: yes, talking about it is so important. It helps shed a light on that shame, and the shame plays a huge role in feeling dirty. Feel free to talk to me too, anon. Love to you Daniell, thanks for all that you do.
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- internal-acceptance-movement posted this
About The Movement:
My name is Daniell, and I am the creator of the Internal Acceptance Movement (I. A.M.)
Need support? Have a question?
The Internal Acceptance Movement is an online space that advocates self-acceptance, healthy body image, recovery from self-destructive behaviors and addictions, and the acceptance of all people, regardless of what they look like, who they identify as, what they have been through, and where they come from. I. A.M. is a space that offers support to those battling their inner demons and strength to continue fighting when all hope seems to be gone.
I. A.M. represents the idea that as human beings, we aren't defined by anything external, such as our weight, appearance, body shape, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, clothing choices, income, occupation, or background. But that instead, it's our internal qualities--our character and attitude, our passions and dreams, our soul and spirit, our heart and capacity to love, our goals and morals, and the way in which we treat others--that are truly self defining.
Whether you're battling an eating disorder, self-harm, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, anxiety, self-hating thoughts, poor body image, or any other mental health condition or self-destructive behavior, I. A.M. exists to remind you that you are NOT alone in how you feel or what you're going through; that it's okay to not be okay, and that you don't have to face this pain alone; that things can and will get better; that healing and recovery are possible; that there is nothing wrong with who you are; the who you are is enough; and that you are deserving of happiness, love, and acceptance, always.
I'm here if you need me: whether it's support, someone to vent to, a question, or you just want to say hi--know that this is a safe place and that you aren't alone. If I don't respond immediately, know that I'm not ignoring you. I will message you back at my earliest convenience. If you have an emergency or feel that you want to hurt yourself, please, please call 911. I'm not a therapist or a mental health professional of any kind. If you're in danger, you need to ask for help from people who can adequately support you. Sending you love: Daniell