I think that the reason letting go is so difficult is because of the judgement we attach to whatever happened.
We fixate on what “could have” or “should have” happened and start to feel like we’ve lost out on something that could have been great, or in the very least, better than what it is.
But attaching judgement to the situation doesn’t undo what happened. It doesn’t ease the hurt or regret we feel. It makes us feel worse, and it prevents us from moving forward.
You can’t go back in time and change what happened, but you can learn from the result and use it as an opportunity for growth.
Everything in life, even uncomfortable situations and unfavorable outcomes, have something to teach us. When I start holding onto resentment about the way things turned out, reminding myself of this helps me come to terms with the situation.
Therefore, I think a lot of letting go is redefining the circumstances. For example, if someone is having a hard time accepting the fact that their partner broke up with them, a way to let go would be to change the way they view the outcome.
Instead of seeing the relationship as a waste of time because things didn’t work out, viewing it as a learning experience that taught you a lot about who you are and what you’re looking for in a partner.
Instead of using the breakup as evidence that you will be never be able to find love again and therefore be alone forever, reminding yourself that when things fall apart, it makes room for different, better things to come together. Recognizing that when people leave your life, it makes room for new people to enter.
Instead of seeing yourself as broken, acknowledging that although you’re wounded, you can and will heal.
This is just a hypothetical situation, but redefining your thoughts and outlook can be applied to anything, and it really does help us in letting go.
Try to look back on all the times in your life when something difficult and upsetting happened, something you thought would be the end of you and negatively affect your life forever, and how it ended up becoming something that added growth to your life.
You may not be able to understand the lesson in the moment. In fact, it might even take you years to recognize how a certain outcome or person was able to teach you something. But I promise you that there is always something to learn; something to take away and use as an opportunity to better yourself.
I hope that this is able to help.
Know that you aren’t alone in your struggle to let things go and accept things as they are.
Know that letting go isn’t about winning or losing.
It isn’t about loss or gain or labeling things as good and bad.
Letting go is about freeing ourselves.
It’s about lifting a weight from our shoulders so that we can move and continue to live our life.
Trust that even though things may not turn out the way you wanted or imagined them to be, that you’re in the right place at the right time. Trust that you will end up exactly where you need to be.
Sending you a lot of love,
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About The Movement:
My name is Daniell, and I am the creator of the Internal Acceptance Movement (I. A.M.)
Need support? Have a question?
The Internal Acceptance Movement is an online space that advocates self-acceptance, healthy body image, recovery from self-destructive behaviors and addictions, and the acceptance of all people, regardless of what they look like, who they identify as, what they have been through, and where they come from. I. A.M. is a space that offers support to those battling their inner demons and strength to continue fighting when all hope seems to be gone.
I. A.M. represents the idea that as human beings, we aren't defined by anything external, such as our weight, appearance, body shape, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, clothing choices, income, occupation, or background. But that instead, it's our internal qualities--our character and attitude, our passions and dreams, our soul and spirit, our heart and capacity to love, our goals and morals, and the way in which we treat others--that are truly self defining.
Whether you're battling an eating disorder, self-harm, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, anxiety, self-hating thoughts, poor body image, or any other mental health condition or self-destructive behavior, I. A.M. exists to remind you that you are NOT alone in how you feel or what you're going through; that it's okay to not be okay, and that you don't have to face this pain alone; that things can and will get better; that healing and recovery are possible; that there is nothing wrong with who you are; the who you are is enough; and that you are deserving of happiness, love, and acceptance, always.
I'm here if you need me: whether it's support, someone to vent to, a question, or you just want to say hi--know that this is a safe place and that you aren't alone. If I don't respond immediately, know that I'm not ignoring you. I will message you back at my earliest convenience. If you have an emergency or feel that you want to hurt yourself, please, please call 911. I'm not a therapist or a mental health professional of any kind. If you're in danger, you need to ask for help from people who can adequately support you. Sending you love: Daniell