Internal Acceptance Movement

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Wed, 22 May 2013 18:20:18 -0700

"You must learn to be patient. Patient with yourself and the people in this world. You must learn to..."

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:56:23 -0700

“You must learn to be patient. Patient with yourself and the people in this world. You must learn to slow down. To take some time to breathe, to notice, to appreciate what you have. Just trust that in the moment you really need an answer it will come to you clearly. You will know what you need to do, to say, to give. Believe in yourself, in the life you are leading. Trust that you can and will figure this all out. Give yourself the time and space to do that.”

- ~~Acoustic Imagery~~ (via bealightinthedark)

themilitantbaker: May 19, 2013 Mike Jeffriesc/o Abercrombie...

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:45:18 -0700

themilitantbaker:

May 19, 2013

Mike Jeffries
c/o Abercrombie & Fitch
Abercrombie & Fitch Campus
6301 Fitch Path
New Albany, Ohio 43054

Hey Mike,

I know you’ve been flooded with mail regarding your comments on sizeism, but I wanted to take a second to write you about a project I’ve been working on.

As a preface: Your opinion isn’t shocking; millions share the same sentiment. You’ve used your wealth and public platform to echo what many already say. However, it’s important you know that regardless of the numbers on your tax forms, your comments don’t stop anyone from being who they are; the world is progressing in inclusive ways whether you deem it cool or not. The only thing you’ve done through your comments (about thin being beautiful and only offering XL and XXL in your stores for men) is reinforced the unoriginal concept that fat women are social failures, valueless, and undesirable. Your apology doesn’t change this.

But oddly enough, that’s not all you have done. You have also created an incredible opportunity for social change.

Never in our culture do we see sexy photo shoots with short, fat, unconventional models paired with not short, not fat, professional models. To put it in your words: “unpopular kids” with “cool kids”. It’s socially acceptable for same to be paired with same, but never are contrasting bodies positively mixed in the world of advertisement. The juxtaposition of uncommonly paired bodies is visually jarring, and, even though I wish it didn’t, it causes viewers to feel uncomfortable. This is largely attributed to companies like yours that perpetuate the thought that fat women are not beautiful. This is inaccurate, but if someone were to look through your infamous catalog, they wouldn’t believe me.

I’ve enclosed some images for your consideration. Please let me know what you think.

A note: I didn’t take these pictures to show that the male model found me attractive, or the photographer found me photogenic, or to prove that you’re an ostentatious dick. Rather, I was inspired by the opportunity to show that I am secure in my skin and to flaunt this by using the controversial platform that you created. I challenge the separation of attractive and fat, and I assert that they are compatible regardless of what you believe. Not only do I know that I’m sexy, but I also have the confidence to pose nude in ways you don’t dare. You’re are more than welcome to prove me wrong by posing shirtless with a hot fat chick; it would thrill me to see such a shoot.

I’m sure you didn’t intend for this to be the outcome, but in many ways you are kind of brilliant. Not only are you a marketing genius (brand exclusivity really is a profitable move) but you also accidentally created an opportunity to challenge our current social construct. My hope is that the combination of these contrasting bodies will someday be as ubiquitous as the socially accepted ideal.

Ever so sincerely,
Jes

P.S. If you would like to offer me a “substantial amount” to stop wearing your brand so my association won’t “cause significant damage to your image”, don’t hesitate to email me. I respect you as a business man, and my agent and I would be happy to contribute in furthering your established success.

P.P.S. You should know your Large t-shirt comfortably fits a size 22. You might want to work on that.

"There is little precedent for fat androgyny. Generally our androgynous icons are svelte and lacking..."

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:41:59 -0700

“There is little precedent for fat androgyny. Generally our androgynous icons are svelte and lacking in secondary sex characteristics. David Bowie, Tilda Swinton, Katherine Hepburn; these small-bodied, predominately white figures of androgyny have created an aesthetic with little room for deviation. This means that for those of us with bodies that do not conform to traditional standards of androgyny, we are often misread and misunderstood, even in queer spaces.”

- Fat Queer Tells All: On Fatness and Gender Flatness - By Allie Shyer (via cassket)

pleasestopbeingsad: Street harassment is not a compliment.

Wed, 22 May 2013 10:55:21 -0700

pleasestopbeingsad:

Street harassment is not a compliment.

defyingthelabyrinth: i would just like to remind everyone that only about 1/3 of eating disordered...

Wed, 22 May 2013 10:52:07 -0700

defyingthelabyrinth:

i would just like to remind everyone that only about 1/3 of eating disordered people are underweight. you can die from an eating disorder even if you are at a normal weight or overweight. you deserve help and recovery no matter what you weigh.

"You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective - it just means..."

Tue, 21 May 2013 23:02:00 -0700

“You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective - it just means you’re human.”

- David Mitchell (via hopeinspiresme)

feminishblog: winecat: typographical-error: So some punks...

Tue, 21 May 2013 14:15:51 -0700

feminishblog:

winecat:

typographical-error:

So some punks were posting shit about her arm hair and Marina replied. Oh my god, I adore her. She’s so fantastic, I swear to god.

hairy arms united in follicular solidarity

Hip-Hip! Hairy arms unite! :-)

*Made Rebloggable by request! 1. Who says you aren’t good...

Tue, 21 May 2013 14:14:56 -0700

*Made Rebloggable by request!

1. Who says you aren’t good enough?

Whenever I feel inadequate, it’s usually coming from within. And based on what you wrote, it sounds like your feelings of inadequacy are coming from the same place.

I think it’s important to try to figure out where or from whom you learned that you weren’t good enough in the first place. Because you weren’t born feeling inadequate. Somewhere alone the way, you experienced something that convinced you there was something wrong with who you are.

The key to feeling “enough” is identifying where you learned that, and once you do, recognizing that whatever was said or whatever happened, it wasn’t about you. It was about that person who sent you that message and their own insecurities and pain and limitations. And you don’t have to internalize other people’s shit.

2. What defines “good enough”?

For a long time, I felt that the only thing that could make me good enough was being perfect. The perfect weight. The perfect student. The perfect daughter. The problem with that logic was that no one is perfect and no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to live up to my expectation of “good enough”. I was setting myself up for failure.

I don’t know what constitues good enough for you, but I can imagine that it’s a standard you might not ever be able to reach — not because there’s something wrong with you, but because there’s something wrong with how you’re measuring what makes you an acceptable human being.

3. Disappointing people does not make you a failure.

I know it’s a hard concept to wrap your head around — it was a struggle for me too, and sometimes it still is, but it’s not a belief based in truth.

We can disappoint people and still be good enough. We can make mistakes and still be capable and competent. We can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love. None of these things make you inadequate or not good enough. They make you human.

EVERYONE has disappointed someone at some point in there life. Everyone lets people down and we all screw up. No one is perfect, and expecting that you will never disappoint someone is again, setting yourself up for failure.

I can imagine that you’ve been disappointed by people in your life too, but I doubt that you would think any less of them. I’ve disappointed plenty of people. From friends that I agreed to meet up with only to cancel at the last minute because of social anxiety, to my parents every single time I relapsed and had to go back into treatment, to friends who expected me to get them something special for their birthday and were hurt when I didn’t put in as much effort as they would have liked — I have let a lot of people down, and that’s okay.

If you don’t think any less of me for disappointing people, and you don’t think any less of the people who have disappointed you, then you need to reevaluate the way you’re judging yourself. I know it isn’t easy, and I know that we alway feel like we’re the exception, but you aren’t. You deserve the same compassion and forgiveness you would give me and anyone else.

4. You don’t have to apologize for sharing your feelings.

There is nothing wrong with whining — which you weren’t even doing. You were venting. You were unloading some of the pain you carry. And most of all, you were taking care of yourself by reaching out.

That said, you can have people around you who love you and still feel inadequate. You can know you’re loved and supported and still feel like a failure. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate your support network.

The truth is that no one else can fill the emptiness we feel inside ourselves. No amount of external validation and love will ever be enough to make us feel good enough — it has to come from within. You have to be able to trust that who you are is enough and that no matter what anyone else thinks or how many mistakes you make, that you’re important and you matter and you are deserving of love.

In order to get to that place, you have to go back to what I said before and try to figure out where you learned to hate yourself. The next step is identifying all your negative thoughts and beliefs and challenging them. Every time your brain goes to, “I disappointed this person, I’m a failure” you have to counter it with things like:

“No. I’m not a failure. Disappointing someone doesn’t make me inadequate. It makes me human. I don’t think that other people who disappoint me should think of themselves as failures, so I don’t need to see myself as one either“

“Yes, I did disappoint this person, and that’s okay. I can feel bad about disappointing him/her, but I don’t have to beat myself up over it. I did the best I could and I didn’t reach their expectations, but it’s not the end of the world, and my worth as a person isn’t diminished just because I fell short.”

Challenging the thoughts may seem silly and useless in the moment, but it really does help. If you have a difficult time thinking of positive counters for yourself, try thinking of what you would say to a friend and then apply it to yourself.

5. Start checking in with people.

Something that really helped me counter the “I’m a failure/bad person for disappointing someone” belief system was checking in with the people I had let down. I remember asking my mom one time, “Do you see me as a failure because I relapsed?” I was certain she did. I was certain she thought I was hopeless and a disappointment as a daughter and an embarrassment to our family.

Checking in with her helped me to see how distorted my thinking was. I don’t remember exactly what she said because it was a few years ago, but it was something along the lines of:

“I have never seen you as a failure. I’m sad that you’re struggling and hurting and I’m disappointed that you have to go back into treatment, but I don’t think any less of you. Me being disappointed does not mean that you are a disappointment.”

So the next time your brain jumps to conclusions about your self-worth, check in with someone. Because chances are, your beliefs about the way they feel are TOTALLY off.

The truth is that there is nothing wrong with who you are. You’re doing the best you can each day to cope and survive, despite the pain you carry, and that’s all you can ask of yourself, and it’s all anyone can ask of you. And it’s enough.

YOU are enough.

Sending so much love,

Daniell

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Tue, 21 May 2013 14:11:07 -0700

What do you do when you aren't good enough? I'm surrounded by people who love and support me, but I keep disappointing them. Time and time again I just keep failing short. It's not like they are too pushy or too demanding, in fact they've forgiven me more times than I can count and keep supporting me, yet I still keep failing.I know I shouldn't whine when I have people like that around me, but I just keep failing and I can't stand disappointing everyone after all they've done for me.

Tue, 21 May 2013 14:00:00 -0700

1. Who says you aren’t good enough?

Whenever I feel inadequate, it’s usually coming from within. And based on what you wrote, it sounds like your feelings of inadequacy are coming from the same place.

2. What defines “good enough”?

3. Disappointing people does not make you a failure.

I know it’s a hard concept to wrap your head around — it was a struggle for me too, and sometimes it still is, but it’s not a belief based in truth.

4. You don’t have to apologize for sharing your feelings.

Challenging the thoughts may seem silly and useless in the moment, but it really does help. If you have a difficult time thinking of positive counters for yourself, try thinking of what you would say to a friend and then apply it to yourself.

5. Start checking in with people.

Something that really helped me counter the “I’m a failure/bad person for disappointing someone” belief system was checking in with the people I had let down. I remember asking my mom one time, “Do you see me as a failure because I relapsed?” I was certain she did. I was certain she thought I was hopeless and a disappointment as a daughter and an embarrassment to our family.

Checking in with her helped me to see how distorted my thinking was. I don’t remember exactly what she said because it was a few years ago, but it was something along the lines of:

“I have never seen you as a failure. I’m sad that you’re struggling and hurting and I’m disappointed that you have to go back into treatment, but I don’t think any less of you. Me being disappointed does not mean that you are a disappointment.” The same is true for you.

So the next time your brain jumps to conclusions about your self-worth, check in with someone. Because chances are, your beliefs about the way they feel are TOTALLY off.

The truth is that there is nothing wrong with who you are. You’re doing the best you can each day to cope and survive, despite the pain you carry, and that’s all you can ask of yourself, and it’s all anyone can ask of you. And it’s enough.

YOU are enough.

Sending so much love,

Daniell

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Tue, 21 May 2013 12:40:42 -0700

"A lot of us spend our time stuck in regret, wishing our lives had turned out differently, and..."

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:36:17 -0700

“A lot of us spend our time stuck in regret, wishing our lives had turned out differently, and beating ourselves up for the decisions that have led us to this place. We feel cheated out of a life that could have been something better. We feel angry and sad and disappointed. And most of all, we feel stuck.

In these moments, it’s easy to focus on all of the things that have gone wrong. It’s easy to focus on the loss and the heartbreak and the pain, but it’s also important to remember all of the things that have gone right. It’s important to remember all of the positive experiences and friendships and growth and laughter you’ve gained — things you would have never taken part in, lessons you would have never learned, and people you would have never met had you not veered off the desired path.

The truth is that every time you thought you were missing out on something important, you were given the opportunity to experience something valuable in its own right. Every time life’s obstacles rejected you from something good, you were being redirected to something, or someone, equally wonderful. You may not have ended up where you intended to go, but trust, for once, that you have ended up where you need to be. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time. Trust that every experience has something to offer you. Trust that something that feels like a curse in the moment can blossom into a blessing. Trust that your life is enough. Trust that you are enough.”

- Daniell Koepke

"Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when we accept everything we are,..."

Mon, 20 May 2013 19:55:41 -0700

“Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when we accept everything we are, and aren’t, that we are able to become who we are capable of being.”

- (via ihatequotesihq)

moderngirlblitz: I Will Not be Silenced by Midge Blitz (a...

Mon, 20 May 2013 19:54:13 -0700

moderngirlblitz:

I Will Not be Silenced by Midge Blitz

(a revised, non-symbol version of this)

"If you are waiting for the perfect moment to finally start living you will wait yourself into an..."

Mon, 20 May 2013 10:36:39 -0700

“

If you are waiting for the perfect moment to finally start living you will wait yourself into an early grave. My words may seem harsh but that doesn’t make them untrue. I do not say them with carelessness or arrogance I say them with love and determination. I am determined to see you start living. Start trying. Start believing.

You are alive. You woke up this morning to a brand new day. You have twenty four hours to do something other than wait. You can learn something. You can help someone. You can create anything and everything you keep dreaming about so earnestly. You are alive to live. To tell your story. To fill the days with questions and answers. Love and laughter. Joy and wholeness. Light and warmth. I don’t want to see anymore blank pages in your book of life because you are waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect words, the perfect life. They do not exist. Perfection does not exist on this earth or in any person. Stop waiting for something that you cannot ever find. Start living and discovering all the imperfectly beautiful treasures that this world has to offer.

Start trying.

You are scared. You are shaking and sweating from your fears and your doubts. Okay. Be scared. Sweat and shake from the fears and doubts but don’t let that be all you ever do. Do it afraid. Take a step in faith and work through the fears and doubts until you conquer each one. And yes, you can be set free from every single fear and doubt keeping you imprisoned. The key has always been there. Some call it courage, some willpower, and others faith. If you need help trust that help is here. Help will come. Help will find you. But you’ve got to start trying. Stop waiting till tomorrow. Stop making lists you just throw in a box and never look at again. Stop with the excuses of all the reasons why it’s impossible. Stop hiding from those dreams and adventures you are passionate about. You literally will never know if you never try.

Start believing.

It won’t matter who else believes in you if you do not believe in yourself. If you do not see your own potential, value, talent, significance.. You need to have faith in yourself in order to try and to live. You need to wake up and believe you have something to offer this world, because you do. You need to believe that you are a valuable, capable, intelligient, and loved human being, because you are. You need to believe that you can learn what you don’t know, because you can. You need to believe that people will offer you a hand and teach you, because they will. You need to believe in the possibility of your life. Of your story that is being written even as you sit there waiting on the sidelines.

Get off that deceptively comfy bench and enter the land of the living. The place that belongs to you as much as it belongs to me or anyone for that matter. This world needs you. People here need you. They need your smile. Your voice. Your hug. Your point of view. Your story. You have the ability to add light into someone’s life. You have the opportunity to add some good and hope into this world. How could you be meaningless? How could you ever not matter?

You go through each day as if you have forever to figure it out. Forever to change what needs to be changed. Forever to make things right. Forever to deal with the wounds. Forever to take off the mask. Forever to forigve. Forever to live. You will die. You will die one day. And I hope and pray that in that last breath you can leave knowing I lived. I gave. I tried. I loved. I believed. I lived…

Stop waiting.
Start living.
Start trying.
Start believing.

Baby steps my dear. Tiny little movements of progress…

Why don’t you take one today and start living, trying, and believing in your book of life?

What are you still waiting for?

Today might not be the perfect day, but nonetheless it is still a day that you have…

”

- ~~Acoustic Imagery~~ (via bealightinthedark)

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Sat, 18 May 2013 14:11:57 -0700

im very reserved around people at first, but once i get comfortable with them i can be myself. but a lot of the time people don't give me that chance to get comfortable with them, and i think they just assume im weird because im quiet.. i feel the same with guys. i feel like they think im boring at first because im quiet :/ how do i just make myself feel comfortable or not care what they think in the first place?

Sat, 18 May 2013 13:15:00 -0700

I can very much relate to your struggle.

Honestly, I think it’s something that a lot of people have a difficult time with. So know that you aren’t alone in that.

Some people may not be reserved upon first meeting new people, but I think that it takes everyone a while before they genuinely feel like they can be themselves with a person.

That said, I totally understand how in many cases, people can misconstrue our initial reserved attitude to mean that we’re cold and uncaring and even boring. But the truth is that when people make those judgements, it isn’t about you and isn’t any sort of reflection on your worth. It’s about them and their own misconceptions and limitations, and you don’t have to internalize that.

Anyone who thinks being reserved and quite is synonymous with weird and boring is not worth your time or friendship anyway. The right people are going to recognize that some people are shy and that their shyness doesn’t take away from how interesting and awesome they are. The right people recognize that some people open up more quickly than others, and that the ones who take longer are still worth waiting around for. These are the people you need to hold onto. Let go of the rest.

I understand that you want to be likable and accepted. We all want that. But you don’t ever have to put pressure on yourself to be a certain way in order to win people’s affections. It isn’t your job to be interesting and outgoing. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you sure as hell don’t have to spend your energy trying to convince people that you’re worth keeping around.

Like I said before, the right people are going to recognize your worth. You don’t have to make time for people who don’t.

The reality is that there are always going to be people who don’t think we’re worthwhile. No matter who we become, how we act, how confident we present ourselves to be, or how many interesting things we have to say, there is always going to be someone who doesn’t approve. And that’s okay. That’s life.

You can beat yourself up all day long for not being good enough for certain people, but it won’t change the situation or make the struggle any easier. All it does is make you feel worse and keep you stuck.

I know it isn’t easy, but try to be compassionate with yourself. There is nothing wrong with being shy and reserved. And if people don’t want to be your friend because of it, that’s on them.

But don’t let those people let you forget the people who won’t be turned away by your shyness. Whether they’re people who are shy themselves or people who recognize that most of the time, it’s the quiet people have a lot of really important things to say, there are people out there who want to get to know you and gain your friendship. They may be difficult to find, but they’re out there.

I also think it’s important to think about whether there is something in particular keeping you from being more vocal around people. Again, there isn’t anything wrong with being shy. For me personally though, there were a lot of underlying insecurities that caused me to silence my voice and my opinions around new people. I wanted so desperately to be liked and to be “cool” and if I met people who felt superior to me, I would be intimated and close myself off because I felt like nothing I had to say was worthy of their time.

These people weren’t any better me. I just decided that I was inferior because I hated myself. I don’t know if this is the case for you, and it doesn’t sound like it is, but I just thought I would throw it out there anyway. Because if there is an underlying insecurity, maybe you could send me another message and we could try to work together on countering that negative belief.

I want to leave you with this quote I found that I think might help. It’s by a girl named Julia Bluhm who writes for SPARK.

“To all my fellow shy people out there, don’t worry. Don’t worry that you’ll never make a friend, or fall in love, or have your voice be heard. You will. It just might take a little patience. I know I’m never going to be a super outgoing person, so I’m just trying to accept my shyness with open arms. I can’t change who I am.

Sure, I still wish I could be as funny as my friend Izzy when we’re presenting a talk, or as confident and willing to argue as some of my SPARK sisters… But I also know that I have things to offer that nobody else has. You do, too. It might just take a little while to find them.”

Remember that. Yes, you may not have the same strengths that outgoing people have, but you have a unique set of your own that confident, talkative people don’t have. And it those strengths that make you important and interesting and valuable.

So when you start feeling down about being shy, remind yourself of those strengths. Remind yourself that the right people aren’t going to think negatively of you for being reserved. Remind yourself that YOU wouldn’t think any less of people for being quiet. Remind yourself that you deserve that same compassion and kindness. And most of all, remind yourself that you’re enough, and that you don’t need to change for anybody.

Sending a lot of love your way,

Daniell

"The further you walk away from your problems, the longer the walk back to fixing them."

Sat, 18 May 2013 10:30:05 -0700

“The further you walk away from your problems, the longer the walk back to fixing them.”

- Unknown (via creatingaquietmind)

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Fri, 17 May 2013 14:15:23 -0700